In episode 8 of the Shared Care podcast, we talk about the challenges and difficult decisions for mothers when they have to work two jobs and raise children on top of that. We talk to Sonya Glavcheva, a working mother who also has her own small business. Listen to our conversation here :https://open.spotify.com/episode/3WMbVcvtniF3byaIrw1sWy
Transcript of Epizode 8
Hello to the new episode of Shared Care. We are back with you to discuss the professional and economic empowerment of women, their reconciliation with care responsibilities at home and their equal distribution. The podcast was created thanks to CAREdiZO , a new project in which we participate under the CERV program of the European Commission.
This project aims to address the gender gap in care responsibilities by promoting equal practices at home, in small businesses and in organizations with up to 10 employees. Our project supports family -friendly policies, encourages men to participate in caring for children, the elderly and the sick in the family and highlights the value of care in society as a whole. Project activities include research, studies, workshops, training programs and the development of digital tools such as educational games and podcasts. Partners are organizations from Bulgaria, Greece, Cyprus and Lithuania.
Today we have Sonya Glavcheva with us, in the role of a working mother, but also with experience as an employer, with a small company, who knows very well the problems of caregivers, of parents, as she had a business in this field.
- Hi, Sonya! Nice to start this conversation.
- Hello, I'm very pleased too!
- We address you first with the question of what it is like to be a mother, to take care of the home and at the same time to work? Since we often talk about a double shift, after the end of the working day we start doing our duties at home, taking care of the children. What does this double shift actually mean to you?
- I will speak from personal experience. Being a parent is quite a responsibility and it is quite difficult to combine work with parenting. Especially when the job is not just one. Nowadays, most women have several jobs and it is quite difficult to cope with the household, the children, and work. Especially if they do not have support from a husband, if they are single mothers for example. Or they do not have support from grandparents.
In my case, fortunately, one of the grandmothers is of retirement age. She helps with my little child, and the other one, fortunately.... that's why I have two jobs, before that I didn't have the opportunity to get another job, ... my boy is older, so he is independent. He has friends, they ride bikes.
And fortunately in our city, in Gotse Delchev, there are clubs that are organized for the whole summer. And in these clubs, the children are engaged in something really useful. My little one is in kindergarten until four and a half. Then I combine with the father - who should pick him up, what should happen, what should happen, because I sometimes have to work until late in the evening. Because after my main job, I also maintain a business.
- And what are the biggest challenges in combining professional and family life for a working mother?
- For me, the biggest challenges are when, for example, a seminar is organized that I absolutely have to go to. I have to be there for, say, four or five days. And then it's a really big challenge for me, because I have to distribute the children, when to go to the clubs, who should take them, what they should eat, because we follow a diet with one child...., who should be fully involved with them while I'm out of town.
- Were there times when you thought about staying home and taking care of the children and family instead of seeking professional fulfillment?
- There was, yes. Last winter I spent almost the entire winter at home, but it doesn't affect me well. Maybe you enter a pre-depressive state. Some women can even enter depression, because waking up without goals, without a plan for the day, was something very unfamiliar to me, very new, and that bothered me a lot, because I'm an energetic person, I have energy, I have ideas, I'm creative, and sitting at home and only taking care of the household, cooking, washing dishes and laundry, the house is shining, but inside my soul it's not shining, because the children around you, we are different generations, you try to raise them, and one of my children is entering puberty, we argue more, for example.
- What you just shared is very serious and many mothers seem to feel stuck in their word, in the need to take care of the family, the children, the loved ones, but they feel emotionally exhausted, losing the opportunity for better professional fulfillment and personal development. And this seems to be supported by society, as if society demands that the mother be like that. Do you think this is the case in our society as well?
- Well, yes, I think so. Many mothers stay to look after their children thanks to their husbands, their significant other, because in my opinion this is a mindset left over from a time when the mother had to take care of the children, the house, cook for the man, do the laundry, iron the clothes, and the mother becomes a housewife and has no personal life, doesn't go to sports, doesn't see her friends, for example, and the man has one goal - to work. And that's it. But I also have close friends who rely on, they were taught that the man has to work, the man has to provide for the family. However, at some point, when the man is not successful, then what happens?
It is very important to be free. You are free when you have the right to choose. If someone supports you, it means you do not have that choice, you do not have freedom.
- We are talking about this economic independence and opportunity for professional development for women, to be able to see ways for equality between men and women and to break down these prejudices in society that set limits for women.
How important is balance in the family in terms of caregiving and professional development?
- Of course, balance is extremely important. And it is really important for a woman to choose her job correctly, because many times women tap into their male energy to cope with the job. For example, if it is in a hardware store, if it is driving - there are women who drive trucks - this is a well-paid job in our country and there are women who are forced to get on a truck to feed themselves. This is when there is no support from the man.
Support is very important and everything comes from communication. If two people communicate, they will find the right path. I don't like that, I'll do this, and you do that. But in most families, in mine, in my friends' families, communication is somehow lame.
Maybe because we are such a generation, because I observe younger couples, most of them want to separate from the family (the elders). They are not in their father's home, their father's house. They even separate into apartments, even though they are from a wealthy family and can afford to have their own home, but they have to live with their parents, with their grandparents, of a sort. They separate into apartments, simply, just so that no one interferes with them, so that they can make their decisions together. And for me, this is really the right option.
- Let's go back to combining caregiving with a career path. You chose a different path. You created your own business, which you kind of adapted to the needs of your family. Can you tell me more about how you did it and how you came up with this idea for your business?
- Yes, I am generally flexible and have changed about 4-5 businesses so far. Initially, we had a gym. I wondered for a while what to do and saw that there was no one to help the parents during the summer. And that's why I decided to open a daycare center, so that the children of parents who have no one to help them could be looked after in the daycare center, because nowadays grandmothers retire at 64 or 62 and have to work and there is no one to help. And that's why I decided to open a daycare center, which over time grew into a daycare center, because the children from the summer wanted to have their birthdays there. And in the winter it was a daycare center, in the summer - a daycare center, where we put them to sleep, fed them, the children were taken care of, prepared for class, for first grade for example. A few years like that, until my first child grew up and there was no longer room for it.
Every job has its pros and cons. The plus there was that I could look after my child, and the minus was that I had to stay up late, because birthday parties were held in the evening, after 6 o'clock, and people stayed until 9-10. And you come home late at night, you come home from a noisy environment, to a quiet place, and the child starts asking you something, or your husband says - and you go "Quiet!".
These are the minuses there. The child grew up, I decided that I should change my job, to be related to my children again. They have always been the leading factor in my decisions. The little child was born, she grew up for 2-3 years in the children's center. She became very developed, because she grew up among children. And that was a very big plus for me.
But at some point the center had already outlived its usefulness and I had to think about something else. The other thing was, I wanted to work with children again, because I love children. And I decided it should be something.... to come for a while and then leave. And not to have so many people in one go, because that puts a mental strain on them. And then you become a little more impatient with your children, let's say. And then I decided it should be something that would generate income and allow me to work less, so that I could combine it, have time for the children, have time for finances. That was braiding, doing hairstyles, which I still do to this day.
But when I closed the daycare center, this was last winter, I stayed home to be a housewife. It was a dream of mine, I must have said to myself for 7-8 years, I want to stay home, cook, clean, do things, be a housewife, be feminine, pay attention, go to the gym, go to yoga and the day went by lightning fast. But somehow it was... meaningless. You become an empty soul. I was just empty. I had no goals, and at the same time I'm a creative person and all I could think of were various ideas for businesses, for creations and so on.
- Very interesting because you talk about how mothers are so inventive. In this role, you have managed to create different businesses through which you can balance being a parent and being someone who seeks economic independence. But at the same time, you have also seen many challenges. Is the business model for a mother working, in your opinion?
- To some extent it is a working model. To some extent it is a working model for a woman to have her own business, because she feels good that she is working, but other things remain in the background. It depends on what the mother focuses on. Whether she focuses mainly on the children or whether she focuses mainly on the business, because there is a divergence of energy, a dilution of energy and sometimes neither one nor the other works.
- You mentioned that the job you are currently working in requires you to take time off for travel and many other, so to speak, sacrifices for your family. How do you actually manage to make sure that this doesn't weigh on you? Do you receive support from your employer?
- Well, because before I sign a contract, I look at the working hours - my working hours are from 10 am, during which I have time in the morning to get my children ready for school, do something at home and then go to work calmly. My employer and I get along very well so far, so if I need something extraordinary, for example, a party, my child has a party and I have to go to that party to provide support. And I have no problems being absent, but then I make up the hours. I can stay until later. There have been days when, .... for example, yesterday I did a summer movie and the summer movie is until 11 am.
So we have flexible working hours here, and that's why I started this job. To be able to combine them.
- Actually, you mentioned, in organizations, in businesses, it's important to find some kind of balance between the needs of the business, between the needs of the organization and the care that employees have to take at home. Would you encourage employers, especially in a city like ours - a small city, with not so many, but great opportunities for such quality staff to be hired. Would you encourage employers to think about options that offer more flexibility for employees?
- I, as I grew up in a family where we always had employees, and our longest-serving employee has been with us, in the construction company, for over 15 years. Many people have passed through us and I observe that an employer must feel empathy for employees, show understanding for the fact that they have a family, that they also have a personal life, because they have focused on the fact that it is the summer period now, there is the most work, the day is longer and a lot of money depends on this worker. But it is important to take care of employees too. People are people and they need sleep, but sometimes they happen to be late - for example, the child will cry in the morning, and he does not want to get dressed, but the employer must understand this and say "Okay!". But the employees must not overdo it. There must be rules and boundaries.
- In continuation of these thoughts regarding the employer's responsibilities, in understanding the needs of employees, including caregiving needs, our C AREd i ZO project is creating some very interesting trainings, training practices and digital tools aimed at employers. And very soon they will be available to human resources employees in companies, to directors. And we will keep you updated on this within our podcasts and the C AREd i ZO project page .
Let's conclude this episode with a message you would like to send to mothers, and perhaps to society as a whole, including employers.
- Well, I advise mothers to be independent so they can be calmer and freer.
I also advise employers to have more empathy for their employees. And it's not all about money! Attitude is everything!
Thank you very much for participating in this episode.
I am Natasha Zarankova and I look forward to seeing you all in the next episode of the Shared Care podcast. The podcast was created by the National Business Development Network under the project C AREd i ZO - Care-led innovation for implementing gender equality in the home, micro-enterprises and civil society micro-organizations, funded by the European Union under the Citizens, Equality, Rights and Values program.
The podcast was created by the National Business Development Network under the CAREdiZO Project -CAREdiZO- CARE Driven Innovation for Gender mainstreaming in Home, Micro-Enterprises & Micro-CSOs, , funded by the EU under the "Citizens, Equality, Rights and Values" program.
The CAREdiZO project is implemented in the framework of the European Commission’s CERV Programme, as a cooperation among the following organisations: Challedu (Greece), WHEN (Greece), MOTERU INFORMACIJOS CENTRAS (Lithuania), NATSIONALNA MREZHA ZA BIZNES RAZVITIE (Bulgaria), Mediterranean Institute of Gender Studies (Cyprus).. The project is funded by the European Union. The views and opinions expressed are, nonetheless, solely those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the European Commission-EU. Neither the European Union nor the European Commission is responsible for them. Project code: 101191047 – CAREdiZO – CERV-2024-GE.